HOW TO INSTALL LOVE

How to Install Love by Richard Burnett

Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help youtoday?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decidedto install love. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I thinkI'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have youlocated your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several otherprograms running right now. Is it okay to installwhile they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE,LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM runningright now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erasePAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will nolonger disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventuallyoverwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its owncalled HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have tocompletely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.Those programs prevent LOVE from being properlyinstalled. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can youtell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invokeFORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessaryuntil GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have beencompletely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installingitself automatically. Is that normal?CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says itwill reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you seethat message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the baseprogram. You need to begin connecting to other Heart'sin order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. Whatshould I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ONINTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. Itmeans that the LOVE program is set up to run onexternal HEARTS but has not yet been run on yourHEART. It is one of those complicated programmingthings, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to"LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.Customer: Thank you.CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following filesand then copy them to the "MY HEART" directory:FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, andACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwriteany conflicting files and begin patching anyprogramming. Also, you need to deleteVERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and thenempty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it iscompletely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with newfiles. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right nowand it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM arecopying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, buteventually everything gets downloaded at the propertime. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should beable to handle it from here. One more thing before Igo.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is free ware. Be sure to give it and itsvarious modules to everybody you meet. They will inturn share it with other people and they will returnsome similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way,what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, alsoknown as The Great Physician, but most call me God.Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup tostay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggestsa schedule of daily maintenance for maximumefficiency. Put another way... keep in touch.